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bihet feminism lite, you credulous troglodytes
Posts tagged "sex"

allcreatures:

Macro - Nudibranchia, silver medal: Pair of hypselodoris bullocki mating, by Tom Radio, United States

Picture: Tom Radio (via Underwater photography competition medal winners 2011/12 - Telegraph)

zincfingers:

greenchestnuts:

outlawroad:

If you never look at another person and think “I want to have sex with you” or experience genital arousal in response to another person’s appearance, you’re most likely asexual.

It took me years to realize that there’s a difference between an involuntary “I want to have sex with you” response, and a logical “I think I would enjoy sex with you, therefore it’s something I may pursue in the future” decision.

did you know (TM)

1. many “sexuals” are likely asexual!

2. the sexuality of “sexuals” is governed primarily by their primitive lizard brains!

3. no asexuals are ever prescriptive about who should identify as asexual!

4. but really this distinction is complete bullshit

I hope by “years” they mean “the period from 5th grade to 9th grade” because oh my baby Jesus I thought we had gone over this

(via dignified-and-old)

bb-goose:

desliz:

When I first saw this and this, my first reactions were of amused bafflement. Surely no one could seriously think the utterly unremarkable responses described were indications of a unique orientation, one so very different from that of the dirty rutting slabs of flesh who are naturally driven into frenzies by naked flesh and lip friction? I mocked it and moved on. As I thought about it more, however, I realized what’s actually going on here. Here are two people, presumably teens and/or young adults, who really do believe that most humans do not experience attraction that moves beyond mere stimulation of nerve endings, and who really do believe that every display of the human body is incredibly compelling and erotic for the “sexual” viewer. How the hell did these ideas get into their head?

The answer’s rape culture, of course, and the lack of discussion in mainstream society about what mutually enjoyable sexual contact actually looks and feels like. Rape culture presents an image of sexuality, particularly female sexuality, in which intellectual involvement is rarely discussed. Emotions are, but they generally tend to be negative, revolving around obsession, jealousy, and indifference.  Bodies, particularly female bodies, exist for the sexual gratification of others, and bodies that that are judged unappealing are stigmatized. A Martian who made observations of our media might be excused for concluding that human sexuality was an all-consuming, compulsive exercise in which all emotional connection to one’s sexual partners was shallow and highly dependent on sensory appeal.

Tumblr kids, aren’t Martians, of course. They are simply individuals who have internalized the messages of rape culture to the extent that being mentally aroused by a kiss is a revelation. Rape culture has taught them that bodies exist to be stared at and fantasized about, so therefore it’s noteworthy when they are bored by a shirtless stranger. They have been taught that sex is a dehumanizing act of rubbing together. Their feelings are not rare, though the choice to attribute what they perceive as unusual reactions to asexual identity may be. What it reminds me most of was the pre-teen and teenage girls I met while investigating child abuse. These girls were all sexually active with boys and men who were in their late teens and early twenties. What struck me was the way these girls described how the felt about sex. There was no joy, little arousal. They had sex mostly because they had learned that sex is what you do when you have a boyfriend, especially if you are lucky enough to be young girl with a super cool older guy who has “needs”. More significantly, there was no indication that that understood this was abnormal. They knew all the ways one is supposed to indicate sexual satisfaction, but it was pure pantomime. It goes without saying that their boyfriends did not care that they did not enjoy it, so long as they did it. Rape culture reinforced all of this.

Non-asexuals are perfectly aware that learning to take control of one’s sexuality is not something you learn overnight, especially if you are a woman. You will be met with constant resistance. I never had a truly coercive partner, but I spent a long time settling for subpar sex because I didn’t know what I was looking for, and my partners were not motivated to do anything other than what they had always done. While it was relatively easy for me to come to terms with the idea that I was bisexual, I spent way too much time stuck on the idea that I was only attracted to a certain kind of woman, coincidentally the kind who is also appealing to men. Very few people are lucky enough to sort out what they want sex and physical affection and their relationships to be like without at least several years of fumbling. This is especially true if you are queer and closeted. We are encouraged to settle, if settling means being sexually available. Actual pleasure is only for straight men. When you finally realize what you’ve been missing, it’s mindblowing. Why did no one tell me earlier?

The point is that it is a damn shame that people can grow up not realizing a kiss can be both emotionally gratifying and sexual. That kiss described in that post? Sexual. Say it with me. It’s not a bad word. It’s not a word that will doom you to an eternity of mindless meatpuppethood. If we don’t start confronting this shit with discussions of how damn joyous sex can actually be, of what good sexual contact actually feels like, we are only assisting in rape culture’s endurance. We cannot fight sexism by creating a neverending series of meaningless little categories like “demisexual” and “heteroromantic”. Such divisions reinforce the idea that rape culture provides truthful depictions of the human sexual experience, and there is nothing more dangerous than that.

You a clever bitch and so much of this resonates with me

But I’m not sure I agree with the idea of rape culture being at work when a self-described asexual woman brags about ignoring some ~shirtless hunk~. I see the point about rape culture reducing bodies to things that simply gratify other people, and I wholeheartedly agree with the emphasis on female bodies falling victim to this especially. But how does the internalization of rape culture come into play in this particular case? Idk but as ridiculous as I find that post, I’m not comfortable labeling her a participant in rape culture, directly or not.

I meant in the sense that sexualization of female bodies might lead someone unfamiliar with the concept of male gaze to conclude that all  images of conventionally attractive bodies serve a sexually gratifying purpose, much as you have women who point to naked man butts on HBO as some sort of evidence that men are objectified, too. Asexual rhetoric is so dismissive of sexism that “sexual” women are described as equally predatory and voracious, and thus you get posts like this, where it is implied that such women would be unable to tear their eyes away from naked manflesh (because they’re all straight, too). This would also dovetail with the practice of women being blamed for rapes perpetrated by men they had previously expressed attraction to. That’s not an element here, but the point is that rape culture can only benefit from women dismissing other women as indiscriminate consumers of male sexuality.

(via will-graham-i-am)

When I first saw this and this, my first reactions were of amused bafflement. Surely no one could seriously think the utterly unremarkable responses described were indications of a unique orientation, one so very different from that of the dirty rutting slabs of flesh who are naturally driven into frenzies by naked flesh and lip friction? I mocked it and moved on. As I thought about it more, however, I realized what’s actually going on here. Here are two people, presumably teens and/or young adults, who really do believe that most humans do not experience attraction that moves beyond mere stimulation of nerve endings, and who really do believe that every display of the human body is incredibly compelling and erotic for the “sexual” viewer. How the hell did these ideas get into their head?

The answer’s rape culture, of course, and the lack of discussion in mainstream society about what mutually enjoyable sexual contact actually looks and feels like. Rape culture presents an image of sexuality, particularly female sexuality, in which intellectual involvement is rarely discussed. Emotions are, but they generally tend to be negative, revolving around obsession, jealousy, and indifference.  Bodies, particularly female bodies, exist for the sexual gratification of others, and bodies that that are judged unappealing are stigmatized. A Martian who made observations of our media might be excused for concluding that human sexuality was an all-consuming, compulsive exercise in which all emotional connection to one’s sexual partners was shallow and highly dependent on sensory appeal.

Tumblr kids, aren’t Martians, of course. They are simply individuals who have internalized the messages of rape culture to the extent that being mentally aroused by a kiss is a revelation. Rape culture has taught them that bodies exist to be stared at and fantasized about, so therefore it’s noteworthy when they are bored by a shirtless stranger. They have been taught that sex is a dehumanizing act of rubbing together. Their feelings are not rare, though the choice to attribute what they perceive as unusual reactions to asexual identity may be. What it reminds me most of was the pre-teen and teenage girls I met while investigating child abuse. These girls were all sexually active with boys and men who were in their late teens and early twenties. What struck me was the way these girls described how the felt about sex. There was no joy, little arousal. They had sex mostly because they had learned that sex is what you do when you have a boyfriend, especially if you are lucky enough to be young girl with a super cool older guy who has “needs”. More significantly, there was no indication that that understood this was abnormal. They knew all the ways one is supposed to indicate sexual satisfaction, but it was pure pantomime. It goes without saying that their boyfriends did not care that they did not enjoy it, so long as they did it. Rape culture reinforced all of this.

Non-asexuals are perfectly aware that learning to take control of one’s sexuality is not something you learn overnight, especially if you are a woman. You will be met with constant resistance. I never had a truly coercive partner, but I spent a long time settling for subpar sex because I didn’t know what I was looking for, and my partners were not motivated to do anything other than what they had always done. While it was relatively easy for me to come to terms with the idea that I was bisexual, I spent way too much time stuck on the idea that I was only attracted to a certain kind of woman, coincidentally the kind who is also appealing to men. Very few people are lucky enough to sort out what they want sex and physical affection and their relationships to be like without at least several years of fumbling. This is especially true if you are queer and closeted. We are encouraged to settle, if settling means being sexually available. Actual pleasure is only for straight men. When you finally realize what you’ve been missing, it’s mindblowing. Why did no one tell me earlier?

The point is that it is a damn shame that people can grow up not realizing a kiss can be both emotionally gratifying and sexual. That kiss described in that post? Sexual. Say it with me. It’s not a bad word. It’s not a word that will doom you to an eternity of mindless meatpuppethood. If we don’t start confronting this shit with discussions of how damn joyous sex can actually be, of what good sexual contact actually feels like, we are only assisting in rape culture’s endurance. We cannot fight sexism by creating a neverending series of meaningless little categories like “demisexual” and “heteroromantic”. Such divisions reinforce the idea that rape culture provides truthful depictions of the human sexual experience, and there is nothing more dangerous than that.

zincfingers:

theskinofourteeth:

nicocoer:

numol:

[image: text: “THERE’S A REASON WHY ‘SENSUAL’ IS IN THE WORD ‘CONSENSUAL’”.]

eateroftrees:

ickyharry:

[snipped]

They are sending the message that people should ask for consent because it is sexy. Not because it’s the ethical thing to do. It implies that consent is less important when it isn’t sexy. When it’s not convenient and neatly packaged.

OH GOOD SOMEONE IS MAKING THIS POINT.

Maybe changing it to “There can be a reason[…]” instead of “There[ is] a reason[…]”? I mean, creating something pithy for a media campaign that utilizes viral and meme based marketing won’t get into the details. That’s why it should only be one part of the campaign.

Though for best practice purpose, any of these images with “pithy” statements that only cover an aspect of the purpose (In this case, pointing out that getting consent doesn’t have to be “unsexy” or a “mood killer” as some parts of society would make it out to be.) should link back to a larger commentary or campaign. Other wise, you are putting out Pithy statements that can be used in a way that goes against your actual intent. Which means your campaign, formal or informal, organizational or grass roots, has failed. 

This is a great example for the reasons the above posters have commented. It allows people to Imply that if it is complicated for you to give consent for whatever reason- disability, survivor status, working past taboos around that you’ve learned- that you are “doing it wrong.” Which in and of it self denies the entire purpose of consent- that we have a right to determine what happens to our bodies.

By saying our internal processes of determining that are wrong, you are robbing us of our ability to consent. You delegitimize our voices within our culture (be it the larger culture or our activist subcultures). Essentially you end up perpetuating the same sort of thinking that says that consent is a barrier rather than a matter of personal safety and respect. 

So, don’t want to undermine yourself when you are campaigning around using viral and meme stuff? Link back to more info. 

Though for best practice purpose, any of these images with “pithy” statements that only cover an aspect of the purpose (In this case, pointing out that getting consent doesn’t have to be “unsexy” or a “mood killer” as some parts of society would make it out to be.) should link back to a larger commentary or campaign. Other wise, you are putting out Pithy statements that can be used in a way that goes against your actual intent. Which means your campaign, formal or informal, organizational or grass roots, has failed. 

So, don’t want to undermine yourself when you are campaigning around using viral and meme stuff? Link back to more info. 

DUUUUDE YES.

[[At my college, “Consent is Sexy!” shit was EVERYWHERE and it always bothered me so much (in general I am not in favor of injecting happy shiny sparkly bullshit into issues that are fundamentally about respect for other human beings, idk). I always wanted to make counter-shirts that said “Consent doesn’t HAVE to be SEXY because it is FUCKING MANDATORY”.]]

fuck any campaign that implicitly puts pressure on people to consent because it’s “sexy”, as if rape culture doesn’t do enough of that already. I would also appreciate a campaign that acknowledges consent as a process that can end at any point during a sexual encounter, or as something that can be absent for a particular sex act while continuing wholeheartedly with others, or even as something that doesn’t necessarily indicate enjoyment or enthusiasm for the consenting party. Consent is simply too complex to reduce to cutesy phrases.

fuckyeahlgbtqlatinxs:

I Can Do It With Whomever I Want, Ricardo Levins Morales

(via fuckyeahlgbtqlatinxs-deactivate)