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bihet feminism lite, you credulous troglodytes
Posts tagged "domestic violence"
Wife fears for her and the children’s safety as a result of this harassment,” the restraining order reads, adding “This pattern of husband’s bullying wife into submission was a contributing factor in the demise of their marriage.

Karen Elson obtains restraining order against ex-husband Jack White « Consequence of Sound


(via abbyjean)

not surprised tbh, I kinda got the same vibes from his relationship with Meg?

but his type of dude in general though

(via scripturespice)


I wish I had continued to not read trans news (i’ve kinda been taking a much needed break).

So. This article is a classic ‘let’s pretend to be neutral so we can present a bunch of transmisogynist shit without getting blamed’

I applaud the shelter for having a very clear stance and none ID policing policy for #girlslikeus:

Officials with the Preble Street nonprofit organization, which owns the Florence House, said transgender people may appear to be male but identify themselves as women when checking in at the shelter. They have rights and are allowed to use the facilities, said Mark Swann, executive director of Preble Street.

"We don’t discriminate against anybody," Swann said. “We accept people at the shelter as they present themselves."

This is exactly the policy that any and all orgs providing services to women should have.

But. Of course, other residents have this to say (and their transmisogyny take up the bulk of the article:

They believe one of the people in question is a man who occasionally dresses as a woman to get into the shelter, perhaps for voyeuristic reasons. That person did not have any feminine mannerisms and often dresses in a T-shirt and jeans, sporting a 5 o’clock shadow of male facial hair, they said.

"If they’re really living as a woman, I think they have every right to be there," said one of the women who complained. “But he wasn’t wearing makeup or wearing eyeliner or anything. Just a man wearing a skirt. It was just odd."

oh. okay. i mean. it isn’t like ‘real’ women never wear jeans and t-shirts. or have to shave. or don’t wear makeup.

again, this shelter is A+ awesome for not having any requirements other than self-identification. so. um.

i guess these women can’t quite understand that it is highly possible that not only is this likely the sole shelter with this policy, but also likely one of the few that will accept trans women at all (since we know how many christian run shelters there are and how sally anne’s feels about #girlslikeus).

One of the women said the shelter is supposed to be a safe haven for women, who in many cases are leaving domestic violence situations.

right. because no trans women are ever victims of domestic violence. none. not even one.

and if they have? no safe haven for you.

feminism really loves the Good Victim trope when it comes to sex workers

it’s very easy to tell who secretly believes that Bad Victim categorizing has merit when it comes to sex workers, even if their only response is silence

it’s so gratuitous and obvious and vicious and inhumane, and I wish that I had specified it in the original Good Victim post, but you know what, if I had, those nice feminist bloggers who are not sex workers and who are very thoughtful about the feelings of their feminist friends who are not sex workers might’ve never picked it up, and it certainly wouldn’t have the 1000+ notes it does now

because feminists understand Good Victim/Bad Victim, but they do not believe everyone can really be a victim, not if you’re a person like that,  not really, not without a Mary Magdalene tale of penitence attached, not without a surrender of narrative agency

and then we’ll all go back to reblogging that Dworkin quote about remembering that women in porn are Real People, because we do care about Real People, as long as they don’t undermine our arguments with the facts of their lives


"… because of course Jasmine could have been listened too, could have had custody of her kids, could have been flying off to international conferences and doing TV shows, instead of being prepared for burial, all she had to do was lie. There is a whole industry around survivors, be the sort of victim people want, swallow the crap about not really choosing sex work, tell a few stories about bad clients and pray with the fervour of a convert at the altar of end demand and all the support you want is there, on their terms.

Those opposed to sex work have constructed a narrative that only allows sex workers to parrot theory, be good little puppets who trot out the party line like defendants at a Stalin era Russianshow trial and then the doors of rape crisis centers, domestic refuges and conferences open wide to you. Dare to say no, I have choices and I choose sex work, but this bad thing happened to me because bad things can happen to anyone and you are “romantacising sex work”

It is the radfems who claim all men are potential rapists, it is feminism as a whole that says a woman does not invite assault by her dress or behaviour, except it seems when she chooses sex work, then she is simply a faceless, mindless, cipher whose own story is not worth listening too. Listening to the victims means throwing out your beliefs and prejudices about who can be a victim and how a victim should behave, not demanding they fit into your box of acceptability.

A woman, Eve Marie,  lies dead today because Sweden is a feminist country. Yes, her ex was the one who directed the fatal blow, but the guiding hand was that of the Swedish state, a state that wants to make sex work so intolerable no “sane” woman would choose it. A state that sees not a victim of domestic violence but a dirty whore who can be ignored, a state that prefers dead sex workers to live, campaigning ones. A state that sees the death of a woman as a price worth paying.

The last words go to that woman, that mother, that sex worker, who refused to be a victim, who refused to give up, and in whose name the fight will continue. On her blog Jasmine wrote about seeing her children;

After one year and three months finally see her standing in front of me. The feeling when she runs into my arms and hug me, to get sniff her hair immediately becomes soaking wet of my tears, drag your finger along her small nose and chin, stroking her little hand and hold on her tiny body hard in my embrace and kiss her eleven thousand times in the forehead. To finally get to see her in the eye and say seventeen thousand times how missed and loved she is. And never want to let go again, but must. Created by my body when we two have been and we are part of each other forever. The love for my children is indescribable. (And justice system as said joint custody and half the time, where were you when everything was going on?)”

(via thisspinsterlife)

@JasminePetite was a Swedish woman who tweeted about losing custody of her child because of her “self-destructive behaviour” (she was a sex worker). The man she lost custody to was violent and abusive, but because of how she earned her income, his word was taken over hers - during several custody hearings, and again when she complained about his abuse. Today he murdered her. Thank you, Sweden, for your caring and compassionate approach to women in the sex industry. Stigma kills. Justice for Jasmine.

scot pep

nice work, antis & swedish model advocates. keeping women safe.

(via everythingbutharleyquinn)

Our board member, fierce activist and friend Petite Jasmine got brutually murdered yesterday. Several years ago she lost custody of her children as she was considered to be an unfit parent due to being a sex worker. The children were placed with their father regardless of him being abusive towards Jasmine. They told her she didn’t know what was good for her and that she was “romantisizing” prostitution, they said she lacked insight and didn’t realise sex work was a form of self-harm. He threatened and stalked her on numerous occations, she was never offered any protection. She fought the system through four trials and had finally started seeing her children again. Yesterday the father of her children killed her. She always said “Even if I can’t get my kids back I will make sure this never happens to any other sex worker”. We will continue her fight. Justice for Jasmine!

rose alliance

RIP Jasmine

dinner the other night got me to thinking about little petty displays of cruelty, things like hair pulling or pinching or low-grade insults, stuff that can be played off as loving teasing or playfulness, and thus does not evoke the reaction slaps or punches or outright profanity might, even if the target does not seem light-hearted about it. But we would reprimand a child for doing those things, or at least readily condemn a caretaker who does not reprimand a child who does those things, and yet an adult, while they might be perceived as dickish and immature, will often be left alone to chip away at the other person, in tiny bits and pieces, while everyone looks aside because dickishness and immaturity are too gentle and too common to be a feature of abuse.

Anyway, the question that arises is “when does it become abuse?”, as if there’s a obvious line. It’s the wrong question. Is the target unhappy, angry, anxious, miserable? Who cares if it falls into the majority’s definition of abuse, no one should be allowed to perpetrate such meanness, and I feel sometimes that if abuse was opposed on the basis that it is unkind and disrespectful rather than because of its extreme end capacity for maiming and/or killing, it would be easier to recognize and to get away from early, and more people might understand.

Last year in Norristown, Pa., Lakisha Briggs’ boyfriend physically assaulted her, and the police arrested him. But in a cruel turn of events, a police officer then told Ms. Briggs, “You are on three strikes. We’re gonna have your landlord evict you.”

Yes, that’s right. The police threatened Ms. Briggs with eviction because she had received their assistance for domestic violence. Under Norristown’s “disorderly behavior ordinance,” the city penalizes landlords and tenants when the police respond to three instances of “disorderly behavior” within a four-month period. The ordinance specifically includes “domestic disturbances” as disorderly behavior that triggers enforcement of the law.

After her first “strike,” Ms. Briggs was terrified of calling the police. She did not want to do anything to risk losing her home. So even when her now ex-boyfriend attacked her with a brick, she did not call. And later, when he stabbed her in the neck, she was still too afraid to reach out. But both times, someone else did call the police. Based on these “strikes,” the city pressured her landlord to evict. After a housing court refused to order an eviction, the city said it planned to condemn the property and forcibly remove Ms. Briggs from her home. The ACLU intervened, and the city did not carry out its threats, and even agreed to repeal the ordinance. But just two weeks later, Norristown quietly passed a virtually identical ordinance that imposes fines on landlords unless they evict tenants who obtain police assistance, including for domestic violence.

(via will-graham-i-am)

Tehmina Durrani | The Woman Behind The Revolution [x]

Tehmina Durrani is a Pakistani author and activist. For 13 years, she was married to Ghulam Mustafa Khar, the former Governor of Punjab and one of the most powerful men in the country during the 70s and 80s. She chronicled her marriage in the 1991 book, My Feudal Lord, where she describes the abuse, torture, rape and humiliation she suffered at the hands of Khar. 

She faced criticism not only for speaking out against Khar, but also for staying in the marriage for 13 years and having children with him. Reviews of the book to this day disparage her for not leaving sooner or seeking help or doing more to protect her children, despite Khar commanding tremendous power and influence. On page 156, she writes: “What could the police do? They would admonish Mustafa, but sooner or later I would be alone with him, in a worse predicament than before. My silence was not to protect Mustafa; it was to protect myself.”

In 1997, Ghulam Mustafa Khar’s son, Bilal, married a woman named Fakhra Yunus. She too suffered physical abuse at the hands of her husband and escaped after three years to return to her mother’s home. However, in April 2000, Bilal Khar tracked her down and threw acid in her face while she slept. After being released from the hospital, she returned to Bilal and reached out to Tehmina Durrani for help. Tehmina intervened and took Fakhra into her own house despite facing death threats from the Khar family.

Tehmina Durrani is now the author of several books and an activist for Pakistani women and rights of the poor. Her efforts to help Fakhra were detailed in a 2001 Time Magazine article entitled “The Evil That Men Do” which also contained this iconic graphic photograph of the two of them. Fakhra Younus committed suicide on March 17, 2012 at the age of 33. Bilal Khar was acquitted of all charges.

(via will-graham-i-am)


Warning for partner/domestic abuse. The following appears in “Is He Going to Get Violent?” in chapter six of Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft.

Before I take you through a list of points to consider in examining this issue, make a mental note of the following:

Research indicates that a woman’s intuitive sense of whether or not her partner will be violent toward her is a substantially more accurate predictor of future violence than any other warning sign.

So listen closely to your inner voice above all.

When a woman tells me of her concerns about her partner’s potential for violence, I first encourage her to pay close attention to her feelings. If he is scaring her, she should take her intuitive sense seriously, even if she doesn’t believe his frightening behavior is intentional. Next, I want to learn more about what has already happened:

Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out?

Has he ever raised a fist as if he were going to hit you?

Has he ever thrown an object that hit you or nearly did?

Has he ever held you down or grabbed you to restrain you?

Has he ever shoved, poked, or grabbed you?

Has he ever threatened to hurt you?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we can stop wondering whether he’ll ever be violent: he already has been. In more than half of cases in which a woman tells me that her partner is verbally abusive, I discover that he is physically assaultive as well.

It is critical to use common-sense—and legal—definitions of what constitute violence, not the abuser’s definition. An abuser minimizes his behavior by comparing himself to men who are worse than he is, whom he thinks of as “real” abusers. If he never threatens his partner, then to him threats define real abuse. If he only threatens but never actually hits, then real abusers are those who hit.