huerca zafada

bihet feminism lite, you credulous troglodytes
Asker plumptastic Asks:
I've been reading your "signs you're in an unhealthy relationship" posts, and I just have a question. Do you believe that once you are in an unhealthy relationship, it can get to a healthy one again?
desliz desliz Said:

Anything is possible. Is it likely? Hell no. The signs I have been posting all have one thing in common; fundamental disrespect for another person’s humanity. And let’s face it, there is very little motivation for a person who disrespects you like that to change. Why, when, through intimidation and fear, they can get you to tiptoe around them, prioritize their needs and feelings, and get you to bend over backwards to do anything they demand? In order to change, they have to give up quite a bit; they have to be willing to work and suffer and clean up their own messes. If they’ve already seen you hurting because of their behavior and still haven’t changed, what else is left to motivate them? Why endure that awfulness for months and years when there are people out there willing to treat you kindly from the very beginning? There’s nothing noble about suffering, and life’s too short for assholes. They might think they love you, but the fact of the matter is that it’s easier for them replace you with someone compliant than it is to change everything about the way they interact with others. You will never be more important to them than their own comfort.

Just as a personal note: I started this project in part because of personal frustration at the fact that I ended up in a situation like that, and know many other people who have suffered the same or worse, and I am so, so exhausted by the lies that worm themselves into our heads and tell us to stand by people who treat us like shit, because if we’re really, really good, we’ll be able to magically transform these people with the power of love. That does not happen. I totally understand the desire to believe it does, but it’s a delusion, and I’m not going to tell anyone otherwise.

  1. brujacore said: They never change. Just move on.
  2. desliz posted this